Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Wait until this guy hears about Obama

Want to know what's wrong with college football in one simple story? Here's your perfect summation: what you or I think about who should play for the national title doesn't matter. What former Oklahoma State sports information director Pat Quinn thinks matters a lot. That's because he's part of the ridiculous Harris Poll the BCS concocted to replace the AP poll a few years ago. When asked by the Oklahoma City paper about his vote with regards to the Oklahoma Texas controversy, Quinn explained it didn't really matter where they were ranked since he's pretty sure Alabama and Penn State will play for the title. Why those two teams? BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH UNDEFEATED, says a man whose vote ACTUALLY counts. That tells you all you need to know. Quinn's voted at least twice since Penn State lost, and it's news to him they have. I love college football, but I'd love it a lot more if it wasn't held hostage by imbeciles year after year.

Tampa Bay fans should be livid at the news they will miss out on a regular season game with the Patriots next season so the teams can play in London. There is no excuse for the community which invested money in building a stadium for the Bucs to lose out on a week of economic impact so that the team can sell some t-shirts to British people. Fans get only eight days to cheer for their team in person each year. One of Tampa Bay's next season was just stolen because the owners want to help their soccer team.

Plaxico Burress desperately wanted to come to UF out of high school. Back then, I covered recruiting as a student working for WRUF and I talked to him quite a bit. He always was hoping the latest test score might be good enough, or that the school would take another look at his transcript. Despite his immense talent, Burress never got to even sign with the Gators because he was incredibly stupid. While Burress now has Super Bowl rings and big money, not much has changed. You're looking to explain away a gunshot wound in New York City, and the best plan you can come up with is that you got shot at an Applebee's?! Ever heard of muggers? Perhaps the memory of Ron Mexico led to the use of the more bland but still ineffective "Harris Smith" pseudonym, but if Burress had called himself "Don Canada" he'd be a legend right now.

Corey Brewer has torn an ACL and is out for the season in Minnesota. I hate to see this happen to a really good kid. Brewer had begun to make his mark in the league, and this will set his offensive development back a long way.

Remember the good old days when Ed Zaunbrecher was calling plays for Florida? Ron Zook actually brought Zaunbrecher with him to Illinois as an assistant after Larry Fedora bailed on him three weeks in. After a couple of years there Zaunbrecher surprised Zook by leaving for Purdue, and now he's out of another OC gig. Rumors of a man standing by the side of an Indiana highway with a "WILL CALL BUBBLE SCREENS FOR FOOD" sign have not been verified at this point. As for Zook, a look back at the Illini's 5-7 season notes that maybe agreeing to be featured in the Big Ten Network's reality show wasn't the best idea.

What would Penn State smell like? According to the company manufacturing the new Nittany Lions line of scents, "the Penn State perfume exudes vanilla, lilac, rose and white patchouli, while the cologne smells of blue cypress and cracked pepper vapor." UF fans will doubtless be thrilled to know they'll be getting the same opportunity to have their own scent soon. I imagine the UF scent's aroma will be a blend of Krishna food, grilled meat, suntan lotion, beer, Burrito Brothers and pot smoke.


cramela said...

Great read today. I especially liked the link to the Illini season recap. The problems up there sound so familiar to what happened when Zook coached up the Gators. I wonder if they are as correctible as they were here.

Heath Cline said...

It's always correctable - and gettin' better.